Before I say anything…if my 3 1/2 year old son could read, he would be scolding me on my use of “stupid” in this post and that totally made me giggle out loud.
I’ve got one of those weird personalities where I want things perfect, but at the same time if a picture is hung a little crooked I don’t care to fix it right away. I like to say that I’m an “unorganized perfectionist who thrives in chaos.” It’s a mouthful, but so unbelievably accurate. One thing that I truly have a hard time with on not being totally and completely perfect in, however, is letting go of control in situations.
I don’t like to leave things unfixed or not handled. I hate sweeping things under the rug when there’s a conflict. I want to FIX and I want to figure out how things can be the best they can be. As much as I want things to be perfect though, sometimes I can’t control situations. Then comes the obsessing. The stomach ache from trying to figure out what I could possibly do to make things the best way they can be. The lack of sleep from going through different scenarios to be prepared for whatever could potentially happen with A, B, or C. The wanting to just let it go, but not being able to quick enough. Here’s my unorganized perfect chaos.
A little while ago I was having one of these moments; obsessing over what I was supposed to do. I stayed up late. I woke up early. I finally did it. I let it go. I prayed. I listened to God. I let go and I let GOD handle my unorganized perfect chaos.
I’m a fixer, but the Lord is the ultimate fixer. The healer. The provider. The all powerful, all knowing, always present King of the universe. I’ll never understand why it’s so hard for me to let go of things, but I will say when I finally do it…it’s the best thing I could do for myself and my relationship with Christ. Giving Him complete control and trust over any situation is such a simple step. It’s hard, but when it happens it’s perfect. Not unorganized. Not chaotic. Just perfect.
I was reading part of Philippians yesterday because my favorite verse is in there and sometimes I just like to go back and look at it in context. I stumbled upon Philippians chapter 3 while skimming through and this caught my eye. “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one this I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14.
The coolest thing about this particular book to me is that the one writing it (Paul) is in PRISON. The optimism and contentment in his situation throughout the entire book is beautiful. He’s basically at a point of letting the Lord take control because he knows fully that if he’s executed, he’ll be with Jesus and if he’s released he’ll continue to preach about Jesus. Either way, he’s focused on the fact that God has full control and whatever path he follows is good because God’s way is perfect. Every. Single. Time.
For me, this completely reflects on letting go of things and allowing the Lord to have complete control. Focusing on what lies ahead instead of what can be done to fix things is a much easier approach. My favorite thing about this isn’t about allowing God to take control, however. It’s words used like “straining forward” and “press on.” Letting go of things isn’t easy, but once it has been set free and given to the Lord it’s easier to press on and follow the path that God has set before me.
I’m not perfect even in my unorganized perfection that thrives in chaos, but I certainly serve a perfect God. Allowing God to take control is a perfect decision as He will guard my heart continuously. It’s a step that brings peace and understanding. It’s a perfect step toward growing closer with the perfect King. Zero chaos involved.